Birth Trauma
How do I know if I have birth trauma?
It doesn’t matter what kind of birth you had. Vaginal birth, virginal birth with intervention, emergency C section, planned C section, epidural or not, no matter how normal it looks from the outside, you can still feel traumatised by it (equally people can go through even the most complicated births and come out the other side not feeling troubled).
What links you to birth-related trauma is that, at some point during the process or labour, birth or during the postnatal period, you felt severely threatened and unsafe, or you felt that your baby was unsafe – and you experienced the helplessness and fear that goes along with that. Partners may have these feelings too.
If you’re reading this and wondering if you may have experienced birth-related trauma, the first thing is to stop the voices which tell you ‘Don’t be silly’ or ‘you should be happy’ or ‘it’s your own fault.’
You don’t need to feel happy, you’re not being foolish, and you are definitely not to blame. During birth you’re at your most vulnerable, and if you felt in any way unsafe during that time, it’s not surprising that there is an emotional fall out. If, in addition, you have also experienced physical trauma during the birth, and/or you have a previous experience of trauma or abuse, this can have a huge impact on how you adjust to the many challenges of parenthood.
Does birth trauma mean I won’t be able to have more babies?
For some parents a traumatic birth means they won’t get pregnant again but for others, either nature has other ideas or the desire for a sibling for their first child can be too strong. Many women that we support haven’t realised that they have birth-related trauma until they are pregnant again.
The first thing I would say to do is to speak to someone- this could be a mental health clinician (try and get a word of mouth recommendation for someone experienced in birth trauma.
We are generally quite lucky these days, in that perinatal mental health services and community mental health services are often able to offer support for mums in this way.
Any birth can be traumatic. For some people pregnancy and birth is a beautiful experience, for others it is a means to an end. But one that can stay with you, giving you flashbacks and painful complications for the rest of your life. The decision to go through it again by getting pregnant the next time may take you a long time. It may not have been a decision, but unplanned and once again the element of control taken away from you.
Here are some tips to help you cope:
Talk about your fears. You do not have to talk to everyone, not even your husband. However there is some benefit in opening up to your medical team
debrief as fully as possible, it is never too late to go over your birth notes. If you delivered in a different hospital, request a copy of your birth notes. If your medical team understand your previous experience, they can take steps to prevent it happening again.
Birth injury is a reasonable reason to request a c-section if that is your preference. If you had a difficult delivery, especially if it resulted in physical complications, you should not have to go through it again.
How can I best support my partner/friend through their birth trauma?
If you are reading this then you may have someone close to you that has been impacted by a difficult birth experience, be it a partner, loved one or someone that you care for. It is often hard to understand what they are feeling.
We have created a guide to assist in your journey to support your loved one. Please let us know if there is anything we have missed, we welcome the input of our amazing community.
Check in regularly
Ask her how things are going. She may look okay on the outside but she can still feel the need to talk.
Encouragement
Encourage her to look at this website and talk to us if she hasn’t already reached out.
Practical Physical Help
A change in physical capacity can impact day to day life and there may be some things that she may not be able to do. It can be beneficial for women to avoid any activities that create downward pressure on the pelvic floor. Strenuous activities such as lifting heavy objects, including lifting a baby or child, is a perfect example.
Be more involved
Provide a home cooked meal instead of flowers or presents, and help around the house. She may need time and support until she has the knowledge and ability to begin managing her symptoms and moving forward.
Be prepared
For affected women there may be triggers that can cause her to act out of character. For example, a woman sitting comfortably with her tiny, brand new baby may remind your loved one of her own (negative) postpartum experience. Feelings of guilt, not feeling good enough, anger or sadness can be triggered and she may just need to remove herself from such a situation.
As a support person, be prepared to quickly leave the coffee shop/park/cafe at a moments notice because of these‘triggers’. Giving her time, and trying to understand will help. If you are both able to identify what the trigger is/was, this may help you be prepared for future experiences.
Doctor’s Appointments
It may benefit you both to attend the initial appointments together, so that you both have a full understanding of the seriousness of the physical injuries she may have, the required next steps, and follow ups. Once you have been given a specialist referral, we recommend finding out more to ensure that they have the experience and expertise you require. Birth trauma is still a relatively new area of focus, and finding the right healthcare professional is an extremely important part of the healing process. If you are unsure, it may also be useful to seek a second opinion. Support your loved one in following professional advice and encourage her to do so. If the doctor says no heavy lifting (such as carrying shopping, or putting out the washing) that does mean no heavy lifting.
Taking care of her
We have spoken to many women who have been impacted by birth trauma and you may find the following statements useful in providing insight to her current feelings.
A traumatic birth is not something you can plan for.
Everyone heals differently, please give me the time I need
I’m not the person that I used to be – the change is as daunting for me as it is you.
Some days I can be completely emotionless and other days I am an emotional wreck
Please acknowledge that I need to talk about what happened to me.
There is more to birth than having a healthy baby.
Trauma is real and the mother needs compassion, kindness and lots of care.
When I say I am not coping, please acknowledge how unfair/daunting/overwhelming the situation is, and ask how you can help.
When you respond with ‘you’re doing so well!’ Or ‘look at how well you’re coping’ you minimise my feelings. Please acknowledge how I feel.
You may hear of someone having a similar experience to my own that wasn’t traumatised by it. That’s okay, we all process things differently. It does not mean that I shouldn’t feel the way I do.
A guide on what to say (and what not to say)
What she needs to hear:
It’s not your fault
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know
What not to say or do:
At least you have a healthy baby (any sentence that starts with ‘at least’ is not helpful)
You’ll forget about the birth
Just get on with it
There are a lot of women worse off
You had bad luck
Ignore or dismiss her feelings
This content was taken from: birthtrauma.org.au
Where can I get help?
There are many different health professionals who can assist and provide treatment in the management of birth-related trauma. It can be confusing to consider what type of doctor or specialist needs to be seen, who to speak to, and who specialises in what. You may find our guide on the types of health professionals associated with both types of birth trauma helpful.
Connecting with other parents that ‘get it’ can be extremely helpful in navigating your recovery process.
Above all, be patient – healing takes time, and working together will make this journey easier for all involved.
Are there other women out there like me? How can I connect with them?
When we become parents, we discover a whole world of opinions and perspectives. While most people have the best of intentions, often people end up feeling unheard and dismissed when trying to talk about their birth experiences.
This is why ABTA offers dedicated peer support, Peer Support is based on the principle that people who have shared a similar experience have something to offer each other that cannot be provided by professionals. We aim to provide parents who have experienced birth-related trauma with the opportunity to understand and explore their trauma in a supported way and help them develop their own plan for moving forward on their trauma journey.
We have a private Support Group
Connect with one of our trained peer mentors for one-one-one support (via typing)
Or sign up for our small group programs
Amy Dawes
You can find the Australasian Birth Trauma association here or on social media here.